just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
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