$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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