He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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