fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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