She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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