Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
