Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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