I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
