1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
