My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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