the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
this will be a night to untag.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
