you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
