We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
