I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize