Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
