Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
