WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
