The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
