theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
