Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
