I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
now i know why i became what i already was.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
