Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
