my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
