I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
