Will you blow on my dice?
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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