Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Randomize
