I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
