omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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