When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
