people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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