There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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