Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
