she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
