So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
