You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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