the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
