Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
