Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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