Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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