Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
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