there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
