yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize