3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize