dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
