tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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