Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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