Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
