what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
