Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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