Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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