i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Help. Why am I so naked?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
