I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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