sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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