sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
