I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize