Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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