ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
