What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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