It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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