the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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