I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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