we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
