Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
