Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
